January 5th 2023 is a day, that will for always be, a day of two stories. There is the side presented by multiple witness accounts and then there is DeAndre’s version of events.

The time was 5:30 pm, dusk but still plenty of light out. Witnesses testified that DeAndre, without provocation, produced a bag of “Stale-Ass” fireworks. The bag contained mostly roman candles and sparklers. Although it was still light out, DeAndre thought the timing was good to light off a few roman candles. Not wanting to be a solo act, he cajoled others into holding lit roman candles. One of the witnesses stated, “my roman candle sputtered out a few shots and then duded on the final few shots, so I threw it into the firepit which was already blazing starting to lay down a good bed of embers for the nights campfire.” Once all roman candles were done, people returned to conversating and sipping their full freshly-poured beverages. A few minutes passed. Out of no-where, the duded roman candle finally gave its last signs of life by spitting its final shot crackling harmlessly into the firepit. Now up to this point the facts are agreed on by all, but this next part is where the story forks into two separate versions.

DeAndre’s version is that he was “Startled” and based on childhood trauma decided to speed walk away from the sudden sparks and crackle coming from the firepit. He claims he either tripped in a hole, or slipped on “wet” grass, fell on to the ground dropping his drink, spilling the precious contents (a full jack-and-coke).

Those somewhat grounded in reality describe DeAndre’s reaction more paroxysmal (similar to a sprinter coming off the starting line after hearing the starter pistol). He jolted away from the firepit with such a high rate of velocity it simply could not be sustained and his feet soon left the ground as he dove through the air in a superman-like pose. Once meeting the earth, he sort of barrel-rolled like someone getting kicked out of a car going 40mph. His reaction was laughter and embarrassment.

No matter which version you believe it must be noted that a couple pictures were taken as soon as a phone could be pulled out of a pocket and the incident was captured just after DeAndre got up from rolling on the ground.

Here are few notes/questions that must be answered:

• Exhibit C clearly shows the spilled red cup and ice cubes can be seen in the background some distance away. Ask yourself, why cant you see the red cup in exhibit A or B? The answer is of course answered in Exhibit D. DeAndre landed so far away from his spilled Red Cup that his version of the events cant be true. If he had tripped (spilling his cup) while just walking briskly away there is no chance that he could have such a great distance between himself and the spilled cup. It would take an almost frantic or panicked response to get that kind of distance.
• Conclusion: The sudden noise triggered a fight or flight panicked response and DeAndre fled for his life and lost his footing and his drink in the process.
• Was DeAndre’s reaction a reasonable response? It should be noted that others standing around the campfire had little to no reaction to the firework exploding in the firepit.
• IS THIS BITCH-ASS-NESS?
• Judge Jim found, while this is hands-down a case of Scaredy-Cat-Ness. There was not a preponderance of evidence this was BITCH-ASS-NESS (mainly due to the bumbling incompetence of both parties and one Psycho-Distracting Bailiff).